Macon's lament

George Will says conservatives are happier than liberals (he's got research to back him on this) because conservatives

acknowledge the Law of Unintended Consequences, which is: The unintended consequences of bold government undertakings are apt to be larger than, and contrary to, the intended ones.

Conservatives take comfort in this. Meanwhile, conscientious liberals deprive themselves of the simplest delights, even automotive ones, because

there is global warming to worry about, and the perils of corporate-driven consumerism, which is the handmaiden of bourgeoisie materialism. And high-powered cars (how many liberals drive Corvettes?) are metaphors (for America's reckless foreign policy, for machismo rampant, etc.). And then there is -- was -- all that rustic beauty paved over for highways. (And for those giant parking lots at exurban mega-churches. The less said about them the better.) And automobiles discourage the egalitarian enjoyment of mass transit. And automobiles, by facilitating suburban sprawl, deny sprawl's victims -- that word must make an appearance in liberal laments; and lament is what liberals do -- the uplifting communitarian experience of high-density living.

Will calls Liberalism

...a grim and scolding creed. And not one conducive to happiness.

Recently, foreign oil workers got caught up in bold government undertakings:

Macon Hawkins, who was one of nine men seized by heavily armed militants in the restive Niger River Delta a week ago, told reporters yesterday that U.S. President George W. Bush and the United Nations need to help resolve the standoff between oil companies and the people of the impoverished region.

"They get nothing out of the oil, and they produce all of the oil," Hawkins said as he sat on a small boat among hooded young men armed with machine guns and one rocket-propelled grenade launcher. "They're tired of it, so they're going to fight, and they're going to fight until death."

Despite his captivity, Hawkins appeared to be in good spirits:

Hawkins, who said he was from a small town in Texas, said he would turn 69 on March 1. Asked what he wanted for his birthday, he replied "freedom," and laughed heartily.

Hawkins' hearty laugh would seem to pose a conundrum to George Will's happiness theory. On the one hand, the Texas oil worker has a firm grasp on the consequences of bold government undertakings. On the other, despite his consequent capture, the man is laughing heartily. Both hands place him squarely in the conservative boat.

But then there's Mr. Hawkins' comment about giving Nigerians a piece of the action before they demand it, to the death. This is sounding more like the automotively conservative liberal lament, affability notwithstanding.

This is the beauty of research and statistics. Whether Hawkins or the Nigerians are granted independence anytime soon, they can be seen as the insignificant tail of the curve, hardly a challenge to the great Law of Unintended Consequences, flapping unperturbable on George's orwellian flagpole.